Barrett Garese
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2000 Words On “Derivative Bullshit,” “WebTV,” and “Online Content”

The Past

So apparently I pissed of half of the known internet today. I looked it right in the eyes and told it yes, its ass did look fat in those jeans. In other words I gave my honest opinion without regard to feelings, sentiment, or repercussion.

In return, I got called a number of colorful names by people whose feelings I’d hurt. Some were semi-sarcastic, some were very spirited, and all were probably partially truthful. Many people agreed with me though.

Now the video in question was recorded back in May but was reposted to twitter this morning. A half hour later, it was the spark for a firestorm of discussion, commentary, argumentation, and the occasional brief moment of agreement.

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What is a book?

Lately I’ve been having a lot of interesting conversations with a lot of really interesting people. I’ve been fortunate to find myself in a true nexus of genius somehow, and the optimism is infectious. Lately my favorite conversations have started with the following:

What is a book?

I love asking this question, but I also use it to illustrate the unique period of media in which we find ourselves. On the surface it’s a pretty simple answer, but dig deeper and you find a truly fascinating array of answers.

We’ve reached an historic point in mass media: the point where we literally get to distill and examine the core elements that make up each individual medium and ask ourselves “which of these elements are important, and which only remain due to legacy or habit?”

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My total speculation on what the “Truth About The Streamy Awards” actually is
  • IAWTV Board asks Tubefilter to step down.
  • Tubefilter reminds the board that they own the Streamys (and might be able to fire/rescind their board positions.)
  • Board likely considers the “Streamys” event too tarnished to continue using that trademark and wants to rename the event, or create a new one.
  • Tubefilter (who owns The Streamys and the trademark therein) refuses to rename the event, create a new event, or step down.
  • Tubefilter decides to protect their trademark and event by going public and a week or so later, does so with a manifesto about the importance of “The Streamys” (and no other event) that still gives them A) a good portion of control over the event, B) 100% monetary ownership over the event.


This isn’t about disclosure, and it sure as fuck isn’t about the creators. It’s about money, plain and simple. The only transparency here is how transparently classless this move is.

Congratulations new media peers, we’ve gotten to the “bullshit politics” part of the game. Please be advised that from now on, any public statements with a vested monetary interest in the event (from any side) are 50% bullshit and 50% spun truth.

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Season one, episode 17

This will be a hard entry to write, as I’m friends or friendly with many of those involved with The Streamy Awards. I feel that in light of last night, it’s important enough to not pull any punches for the sake of nicety though. Our community is built on dialogue, integrity, and honesty, so with that in mind I apologize in advance to those whose feelings I’m about to singe.

I’ll be characteristically blunt here and say what’s on my mind: The 2010 Streamy Awards were awful. They were an embarrassment to our entire community and they were the best evidence that mainstream media could ever find to reiterate their belief that online content is no threat. I’ve heard many people say that they believed it set our industry back a number of years in a single night and I honestly do believe the only way to salvage The Streamy Awards and the IAWTV as an organization is for the organizers to issue a very public mea culpa.

I only want to touch on the problems briefly, as others can (and have) spoken more eloquently than I. They’re important to note, so we can avoid them in the future, but more important to me is to begin the discussion of “how do we fix this.”

The biggest issue to me wasn’t the tech, but the tone. Apparently someone at the Awards theorized that because we were coming from the internet, we could be “edgy” and “uncensored.” In practice what this meant was that an industry’s own awards show decided not to be a celebration of achievement, but a roast of everyone involved – audience and performers alike. “Surprise!” it yelled from atop a stage, “You’re the punchline of a joke!”

If I knew nothing about online content and I had tuned into the Streamy’s, this is what I’d have learned: we shouldn’t expect to be taken seriously because even our own awards show thinks we’re hacks; misogyny is funny; flash and spectacle (like musical numbers and fight sequences) trumps practicality (like security, even after having dealt with streakers two night prior); we’re desperate for any celebrities to get involved because we need their validation and acceptance; and someone, somewhere, thought a bit involving a fake porn producer getting a “lifetime achievement award” and repeatedly uttering variations on the phrase “oceans of semen” was on target to the core group of professionals present.

Now that we’re all caught up, let’s talk about the more important part which is how do we make sure this doesn’t happen again. Here are my suggestions:

  1. An awards “ceremony” just isn’t the right venue for this. We’re not the Oscars, nor should we try to be because it makes us look like we’re desperate to be “mainstream.” A different format is required. One thing I heard several times was “the Academy Awards were a dinner party the first two years.” Maybe that’s the right tack to take – a dinner party of peers celebrating peers – maybe you go another direction, but either way, the “Awards Ceremony” vibe feels wrong.
  2. Speaking of food: respect your audience. The attendees were subjected to long lines, a shitty ticket pick-up situation, commercials during the presentation, the bar closed 45 minutes into the show (apparently there must have been too much “lobby traffic” if you know what I mean) and no food at either the event or the afterparty (protip: drinks can be optional, but people need to eat every once in a while.)
  3. Forget about flashiness and celebrate achievement. This isn’t about gloss and hype, and while a nice stage setup gets the “oooh” for the first 5 minutes, it’s ultimately worthless. It’s obvious that this year was “trying too hard” in so many ways – to be mainstream, to be taken seriously, to be an “awards show” equal to the Grammys, Oscars, etc. Three words: Fuck. All. That. Celebrate achievement, work on showcasing quality, and you won’t have to strain your voice shouting “we’re worth all this hype” because people will already know.
  4. Stop denigrating online content. Look, we can all be snarky motherfuckers (well, except iJustine and Felicia Day, both of whom do a remarkably good job of staying above the snark fray) but there’s a time and a place. Telling a thousand people that their jobs, content, livelihoods, and dreams are a joke, and that the only way they’ll amount to anything is to beg their “betters” (read: “celebrities,” but the unstated implication was made very clear) to slum it in their crappy webseries…well, that’s not gonna go over well. Repeatedly joking that it’s subpar quality, or that there’s no money, future, or reason to get involved only hurts us all.
  5. It’s the oldest maxim in business: You want to be treated like a professional? Act it. Stop the profanity just for the sake of profanity. Stop trying to be the “edgy awards show.” Stop the masturbation, dick jokes, and sexist humor. It. Is. Not. Funny. Right now you’ve got awards nominees and winners apologizing to their fans (whom they’d asked to join in watching your show.) You literally cannot go more wrong than actual winners telling their fans “I’m sorry I told you to pay attention to this.” The best moments of the night were the classiest: Felicia Day’s acceptance speech; Chris Hardwick’s recovery from what appeared to be some sort of sexual assault on-stage; Auto-Tune The News; Mark Gantt breaking down into tears as he thanked his partner Jesse Warren for believing in him. Emphasize that, don’t give a fake award to a porn site creator.
  6. Stop trying to be what you’re not, and embrace what you are.

So what would I do if I were faced with figuring out the Third Annual Streamy Awards? I’d remember that at the heart of things, we’re a small community and the awards should be to celebrate the achievement of our peers. I’d pick a host from the community; someone who knows how to work a live room and who is respected amongst the group. I’d hold it at a ballroom and have a couple hundred people attending. I’d have a bar, hors d’oeuvres, and a bunch of tables set up for people to mingle and chat beforehand (and to a certain degree, during.)

Emphasize community, quality, achievement, and highlight that which is worth holding above the rest – stop worrying about what Hollywood thinks, and stop coming off as so desperate to be “mainstream.” Recognize that there’s something very affirming about seeing your friends get the recognition you always thought they’d deserved. There’s something about having your peers come together and say “in this category, we who know this world best find you to be above all else.” That’s the mark we should be aiming for, not “look how wacky we can be because we’re not on television.”

We’re not going to force a mainstream acceptance with a flashy awards show, or by alternately acting like them then acting like we don’t care about them. We’re going to do so by making really fucking good programming, challenging our peers to do better, and making other people aware of what’s best. By showing the world the best of the best, we only help ourselves – as a medium and as individual content creators. By showing them what we did last night, we’re only telling the world “we’re not ready for prime-time,” in all senses of the world.

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My initial reaction to seeing the first tweet was ‘wow, Salinger was still alive?’ then, ‘frak I need to download Catcher in the Rye!’. The convergence of the past and the future present in one thought, of course, made me think: with the birth of the iPad came the symbolic death of the page.

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Apple now owns and controls their own mobile CPUs. There aren’t many companies in the world that can say that. And from what I saw today, Apple doesn’t just own and control a mobile CPU, they own and control the hands-down best mobile CPU in the world. Software aside (which is a huge thing to put aside), it may well be that no other company could make a device today matching the price, size, and performance of the iPad. They’re not getting into the CPU business for kicks, they’re getting into it to kick ass.

Daring Fireball: The iPad Big Picture (via mikehudack)

The implications of this on a business level are really astounding, and I’m honestly surprised more people aren’t talking about it.

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The iPad

lialia:

So earlier today I signed on Tumblr to do something fresh like like post a picture of a maxi pad and be like, “yo I already got my iPad, son!” until I realized that of course, the entire Internet had already beat me to it.

In any case, GC brought a tablet PC home not that long ago and I’ve been playing around on it ever since. From what I can tell, this computer does everything and more than what the iPad promises to do, minus the extra fees. The only major difference from what I can tell is the ability to type on the touch screen which would be nice to have on the PC. Am I missing something else major here? Why, exactly, is this a gamechanger?

Here’re my thoughts on why I’m absolutely floored (in the good way) by the iPad:

  1. iPhone OS - The “desktop metaphor” for computing is two and a half decades old now. While it works, it’s clunky as all hell and incredibly limiting. There are better ways, the iPhone interface is one of them. It’s an incredibly elegant and intuitive interface. Touchscreen abilities mean the UI can be customized to fit the program instead of having to graft standardized UI elements on top of a desktop metaphor. Imagine using Final Cut Pro or photoshop with sliders and wheels customized for that program’s functionality. Imagine no more keyboard shortcuts to do what a simple slider could. This is the first step towards that; buttons that are only there when you need them and infinitely customizable for any and all given computing scenarios - but that only works when you begin to break away from the desktop/folders/tiered metaphor for computing.
  2. It’s a better laptop for what I do, than a laptop. I use my laptop now for mobile computing. 99% of the time it’s email, Word, Calendar, Keynote, presentations, and the Web. This does all of that. The better part comes because A) it’s 1/3 the weight, and B) I don’t have to search for a wi-fi hotspot anymore.
  3. It’s a better netbook without the sacrifices. Granted, storage is an issue, but it’s not meant to be your only computer (like a netbook.) Netbooks are small and cramped, in an effort to be lightweight. This has a larger screen, weighs less, and does more.
  4. I don’t care about the ebooks bit (I have a Kindle) but would absolutely get the LA Times and WSJ newspapers on this. Books are better on e-ink. Newspapers could kill on this. The layout translates, and you interact with them in an incredibly familiar way: click on the article to read more/go to the page it continues on.
  5. 3G is huge for me. I hate trying to find a wifi spot when I need to type a longer email. The add-on cards cost more than the 30 bucks offered here. Sometimes a lot more. Finally a true “anywhere” computing device.
  6. 10 hours of HD video is astounding. I might use that, I might not, but if they’re getting 10 hours decoding H.264 video, I can only imagine that a day or two charge with the above normal computing is not out of the ordinary.
  7. I don’t care about a camera, I guess some people do. I have a camera in my phone, a DSLR, and I don’t do a lot of videoconferencing. Some people do, that’s fine.

So essentially it’s everything my current laptop is, but more efficient, smaller, lighter, and faster. Throw in a bluetooth keyboard and it’s a portable office for me, since I was already planning on getting a larger workhorse machine for FCP/CS4/video/whatever else. Apple gave me the perfect machine for my lifestyle and exactly what I need and want in a portable - albeit secondary - computing device.

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Motorola’s going a long way to make sure Gartner’s “2nd largest mobile OS in 2012” prediction comes true.

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mikehudack:

soupsoup:

(via go)

If you build it, they will come.

Google and Palm built it, and they did not come.

I was just reading this article, the whole thing is a really fascinating read for anyone considering getting into the mobile app market (and getting me to completely re-evaluate my Android plans.)

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lizlet:

In which I am mean and call people names. RT @NewTeeVee: Whose Fault Is It that OK Go Isn’t Going Viral? http://bit.ly/7D1xAr

Reblogging because this is a fantastic piece of evidence about how the nature of virality and the concept of an “information generation” totally eludes many mainstream (and pseudo-mainstream) entities. Liz absolutely nails it here.

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Brief Apple thoughts

I don’t think we’re going to hear about a CDMA iPhone for Verizon this year. Next year, maybe even in January, but not this year. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love a Verizon iPhone, but I just don’t see it happening until 2011.

I think the talks that Apple and Verizon were having were for an exclusive contract with the iSlate or whatever Apple’s tablet will end up being called for a persistent 3G connection. Apple realizes that Wifi has limits that Verizon’s network can fill. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a hardware subsidy, but I don’t see it being a Kinde-esque free Whispernet sort of deal - I think you’re gonna have to pay for it.

But if the theory is that most laptop use is web browsing, reading, email, and video, then a lightweight, slate-like tablet with a 10-12” touchscreen interface and a notebook GPU can cover all of that while still getting pretty stellar battery life. Add in an app store and enough SSD storage and you’ve got a very groundbreaking product on your hands. think if that’s what the come out with, and it’s $599 or lower, they’ll fire a significant shot across the netbook bow. It’ll essentially be the best of both the laptop and iphone worlds (minus the phone part) without having to deal with the tiny screens and tinier keyboards that netbooks require. Change the form factor and you can change the whole experience for the positive.

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The Justice Department announced they will conduct an anti-trust review of Comcast’s proposed deal to merge with NBC. An anti-trust review. Which is the relationship i have with NBC. Anti-trust. Hey Kev, what does NBC stand for? Never believe your contract.

Jay Leno, on tonight’s show.

(via)

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Dear any and all CES presenters

Just because “social networking” is cool doesn’t mean you now need to incorporate it into every consumer electronics device you’re shipping. Yes, a good portion of my business and personal life is spent engaging with others online, but that doesn’t meant I want to be around everyone I know all the time. Sometimes - and I know this is hard to believe - I’m even doing other things for the sole and specific purpose of stepping away from being connected.

For example, I don’t need to have Twitter or Facebook on my ebook reader. It’s a solitary activity that I don’t want or need interrupted; adding SN features makes it the electronic equivalent of a built-in annoying “That Guy” at the coffeeshop who asks constant questions about the book that you were actively reading just moments ago.

“Do you like it?” he or she (or your ebook reader) asks, seemingly unaware that since you’re in the middle of it, any opinion you give will be unformed and still malleable.

“I’ve been meaning to check that out,” he or she (or your ebook reader) says, trying to affect an air of culture after mispronouncing the author’s name and ordering a coffee that has more syllables than the title of your book.

So congratulations, you’ve just created a device whose sole additional selling point is “it’s now easier to annoy you when you’re trying to block out humanity and shut out the world around you.”

I’m also looking at every TV manufacturer displaying their “networked, socially-aware, ultra-thin, 3D television” this year. Excellent; thank you, you assholes.

The best of all possible scenarios is that people can make now fun of me in real-time when I tear up as Sam runs through the airport after Joanna in Love Actually.

The worse scenario (and I’m sure the one that will happen) is that now watching a movie on your couch will be the home version of that time you couldn’t get those five frat guys behind you to shut the fuck up during Return Of The King.

Or, better stated, for anyone who’s ever played on Xbox Live: imagine that same crowd talking nonstop during a movie.

“Who’s the elf faggot?” they’ll shout and laugh.

“Hey what kind of pussy wants to watch this bullshit?” they’ll ask the vast swaths of the internet, content in their pseudo-anonymity and bored of masturbation.

“Hey Barrett, I can’t believe you’ve spent the past hour youtubing recap videos of So You Think You Can Dance. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy…”

So to every CES presenter this year: I love social media, I really do. It’s provided me with hours of entertainment, satisfaction, enhanced friendships, and even paid my bills for the past six months. I just don’t need it involved in everything I do, because - present company excepted, of course - people as a general rule are complete bastards.